Monday, May 16, 2011

Idea Became A Reality

It has been a very extended time since my last post. For this I am sorry. I'm sure I lost a few followers (if any) due to my procrastination. Things have been hectic, busy and exciting. The hecticisim and busyness has been in the juggleing of both my jobs with all of the other things I have to complete and get ready for my trip. My day job has been requiring mandatory Saturdays at the office. (keep in mind they're laying us off at some point) So my weekends have been working 40 hours strait, bewteen both jobs, in three days with about 2-3 hours of sleep.

But all of that is nearing it's end. Saturday, the 21st, and Tuesday, the 24th, I put my 3 weeks notices in at my jobs! My last day at my day job is June 15th and my last night at my bar job is June 24th. I've learned and grown so much from both of these jobs in so many different ways. But in nearing the end of my corporate America life, I've concluded that an office job just isn't for me. The daily routine of getting up, getting ready, going to work, 2 cups of coffee, the "Good morning" greetings to the same faces, deciding on where to go for lunch, fighting the 2 o'clock drowsyness, watching the clock till it strikes 5, getting home, working out then going to bed has become some what depressing in a way. I feel that my life should and can be well spent doing something else. Somthing that atleast brings a challange to the table. Of course I can and will never regret my time there. I've met some out standing and influetial people during my time there.

Working at the bar the past nine months has been nothing short of a combintation between a Lady Gaga concert, a broadway musical and some gay soap opra (if those exsist)'s been interesting to say the least. I've seen it all from two grown men two stepping together (which for me is still a bit awkward to witness), to drag queen fights, to celebrity mobs, to the unfortunate reality of what the gay community has to deal with on a regular basis. Allow me to elaborate on this last notation. About my 2 or 3 night working at my bar, shortly after closing, two gentlemen were walking, about two or three blocks away from the bar, in peace (I'm sure they were two friends walking home probably reminesing on the good time they had that evening) when they were approached by two shady figures from behind. The shady figures asked the two friends if they were "homo's" and with out hesitation, shot them both in the face, killing them both. It's a sad world we live in.

I've only scratched the surface of being able to claim to have seen and done everything. Although there is much I have done and experienced, it doesn't compare to the hope I have for my future. A feeling, that was once familiar to me, has now reappeard with the pursuance of this trip. What was just an idea only five to six months ago, has now snowballed into a reality that is now only 27 days away. The feeling I was reffering too.....the feeling of a direction. A hopeful and bright future that consumes me with motivation and excitment that I have not felt in years. This trip has the potential for many things. I could travel for three months, have seen a lot of things and realize its not for me or some where a long the line discover something that was hidden to me thus paving another path for myself.

My blog posts, I promise, will be more reaccuring over the next 27 days. My jobs are nearing their end and I have more time on my hands now. I paln on talking about my experience in Fort Lauderdale and a few other things I have accomplised over my absense in posts.

Thursday, March 24, 2011


Well I've made several positive steps towards my July 1st departure. I purchased my round trip ticket to Spain! Therefore me being in Europe for the month of July, leading into August, is official! My afternoons are filled with day dreaming of walking the streets of Amsterdam and relaxing on the white sand beaches of Ibiza after a wild night out on the town. Although things are in order to get me over seas, it's still very surreal to think that I'll be on the other side of the planet in about three months time! This trip is becoming a significant aid to the strengthening of the relationship with my mother and father, individually. With my mother its allowing us to get back to a time where I fed off her excitement and enthusiasm for what ever it is that I was doing. We've had numerous discussions, over the weeks, of what this trip means to me. The doors that will open themselves and the doors that I will be opening myself. We're empathizing with one another on the medium that both of us are making changes and/or investments in our lives that we are both benefiting in the long and short runs. For my mother, this empathy comes from her buying a house, which for her is parting the clouds for so many new beginnings. The positive strides my mother and I are making fill me with content and excitement for when I return from my travels and begin our new, but still vintage, relationship. My father is the more concerned of the two. We had our emotional heart to heart just recently. In the commencement of my plans, my father was not very ecstatic about the idea of me going over seas by myself during our countries presence in war and other foreign affairs. I acknowledge his concerns for my safety and take them to heart of course. I'd be concerned if he, being my father, wasn't be relevant to my security. Aside my safety during this trip, his concerns also lye with my future and where I am going in life. At this point in time, not even I know the answer to that. But then again who ever does, or did? Through constant observation of others, whether they be friend, acquaintance or significant figure, it seems as though everyone gets to "Point B" by following what ever it is they feel passionate about. My father fears for me ending up like him. Like he's some kind of failure. Just because things don't go the way you want, or expect them to go, does not make you a failure. I quickly consoled him by expressing to him that I will be lucky to end up half the man he is. Aside looking strikingly similar to him, people are always telling me I'm exactly like my Dad. Who you are is worth so much more than what you have. My father is and always will be the greatest man I know and I aspire everyday to be just like him. He is my hero. I bought a car last week. Finally. I needed something quick because "The Booger's" (my truck) days were shortly numbered. I'm now the proud owner of a '97 white Ford Mustang. I now have key less entry and radio again (haven't had that for about 9 months now). It has been dubbed the name "The Dalai Lama" a.k.a. "Dalai" for short. Complements of my friends. Purchasing this car was a wise move. It will get me through the next 3 months without worry of it breaking down. I'll be selling my truck. Most likely to Carmax Buying Center and just put what ever they give me for it back in savings. My only purchase left for my trip are an iPad, a backpack and a camera. All of which I am hoping to have by the end of April.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011


There's nothing more powerful than a good friendship. To know and understand this power is something that is not well attained by many. I show no modesty in saying I have a keen ability to facilitate a coalition with people that allows them to have faith that there are people in this world that are good and worthy of trust. I think, close to, everyone who knows me can share this common bond with one another no matter who they are and their differences. I think this is definitely in relation to my characteristic of allowing people my trust up front.

I recently spent an evening in Denton to visit some of my closest friends who I don't get to see that often due schedule conflicts. I cherish any free night I get to spend with my friends. Especially the ones in Denton, due to our encounters being far and few between. It was a great evening filled with CHEAP drinks on Fry street and laughs so hard my stomach now looks that of a Greek statue.......yeah well...I can dream.
I had a heart to heart with one friend specifically about concerns of our friendship drifting apart. I sternly reassured him that, that can not and will not ever happen. We've been through too much to just not be friends anymore because we don't see each other as often.
We all have to realize that life involves change, growth and improvement of the self. Figuring things out for ourselves so that we may better impact the world around us. But the relationships we build and create, that prove worthy of fidelity, through out life are always going to be there no matter where life takes us. You have to look in to the archive of the relationship and study the trials and tribulations you both triumphed over and put that outcome in the peace of mind of knowing that nothing will change between you and that individual no matter how much time passes. This applies to any relationship whether friend, foe or significant other. You can't get anywhere in life if you can't appreciate the value of a built bridge.
I'm known by many to be a "social butterfly." Also am known to be close and/or best friends with many. I can only reprimand my parents for this gift. Although my biggest reservation about the nature of this is that some friends may not feel as valued as another friend. If anyone in my life feels this disposition, I can feel nothing but discouragement. Everyone in this world is just as special and important as the next. I do my best to instill that in everyone of my alliances, past and present. If any, in my life, were to feel as if I favor others over themselves my only comeback is to please re-read the previous paragraph and to know that what I have and/or had with you was unique and individual to any other relation I have, to this day. If you can acknowledge those two recommendations then there is no reason you cannot have faith in the relationship you have with me.
My friends are the most beautiful part of my life. I live vicariously through them any chance I get because they allow me ulterior illustrations as to what life is like for someone else.
Allow me to apologize to my consistent readers/followers for the three weeks it took me to get this blog posted. I'll be continuing one tomorrow about the progress I've made for my future plans of travel as well as progress I've made with my parents.
Song I enjoyed while writing this was: "Time To Pretend" by MGMT

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Doubt. Its a the glass.

Doubt, by definition, is a feeling of uncertainty about the truth, reality or nature of something. Doubt has its bizarre way of weaving itself into the security blanket that is our confidence and framework. On the affirmative, it allows us the ability to handle external influences. For example being able to see past someones false dispositions. Counter actively doubt shows it's ugly face when the feeling is experienced internally. Making you feel lost and misunderstood. Doubt can make you feel as vulnerable and lost as a new kid's first day of middle school.

I pride myself, on the regular, for being a very optimistic and happy person. Sometimes I feel like there's not enough people in this world who view the world like I do. But like any other human being, I have my off days. As few and far apart as these days are, I dread their random appearances in my life. In the drivers seat of these off days is the infamous Doubt! On my days of doubt, I'm quite and to myself due to the floods of negativity swarming in my mind. It's such a discerning feeling when you start to question yourself, along with other aspects of your life. It makes you take a very "what's the point" perspective on things you do. For example (referencing an earlier post of mine) whats the point of putting trust into people that will eventually throw it in your face?

I would assume no one likes the feeling of doubt. I sure as hell don't. So you ask yourself, "what kind of ammunition is necessary for days like these?" I've come to discover my own life remedy. You must take a step back and answer the question with a question. Doubt asks, "what's the point?" You ask, "what's not the point?" Anything that one does is not done for anyone else but themselves. Whether that be admitted or denied varies with each individual. But your greatest gift to the world is going to be yourself. If you don't have anything to offer (morals, values, perspectives, incites, stories, experiences) because you've been waisting your time doing things solely for others, your not going to be an interesting gift.

Then of course I introduce Doubt to my friend......Cannabis. Cannabis then swiftly kicks Doubt in the groin and we enjoy reggae/hip-hop infused tunes of The Fugees.

My bar had a "Hottest Cowboy Contest" a week ago. I entered and the end result was me winning. My prize was a 6 day 5 night all expenses paid trip to Fort Lauderdale, FL. The other guy, Garry, who won with me will be ambassadors for the City of Dallas for an international Gay and Lesbian travel convention. Here we will be making appearances at luncheons throughout the week. We will be meeting and networking with 450 of the worlds leading travel representatives for companies like Quantas, British Airways, Four Seasons, Hilton, Club Med, etc. There will people from all over the globe. Africa, Australia, Europe, Asia, South America. I didn't realize how great of an opportunity this is until after winning the contest. On the day of the convention, my co-winner and I will be standing at a booth discussing details about the city of Dallas with representatives, taking pics and autographing black and white photographs of ourselves dressed in western wear. As far as the people I'm going to get to meet, I'm extremely excited to see how and/or if this excursion to Fort Lauterdale will benefit my plans for travel in July. Whether its getting a hook up or making friends with people that wouldn't mind facilitating my visit to their country.

Travels Update:
Got my passport in the mail on Thursday! Could not have been a more exciting day. Everything became a much closer reality. Over the course of the next few weeks I will be purchasing my airfare: destination Spain!

Monday, February 14, 2011

Be Mine

The year was 1999. I was in the 6Th grade. At this point in my life my accomplishments consisted of testing out of resource classes, running from my first fight and discovering masturbation. My profile was a combination of parted down the middle or combed over hair, big gold framed double bridged glasses and gaped front teeth. My girlfriend at the time was Rachel Foster. Our relationship was built on saying "Hi" in passing, laughs during P.E. and four square during recess. It was Valentines Day. The halls at school were decked with hearts made by students and streamers of red, pink and white. Rachel claims the title of being my first Valentine.

I don't recall what I got her, on this day of love. I assume the ordinary heart shaped box of chocolates and a stuffed bear. Each one of the class rooms were dedicated to a specific purpose for our grade's Valentines Day party. I favored the rooms with food and games. Then of course there was the slow dance room. (play dramatic sound "dun dun DUUUN") Rachel and I had shared a dance or two through out the party. Things were going well. If memory serves me correctly, I was in the dance room with no Rachel to dance with. I see Kat Kundmueller, an ex of mine. All the ladies were after me in these days. I see her across the room and our eyes meet. Reading her like a book I could see it in her eyes I had left her wanting more from when I broke up with her months earlier........FALSE. She broke up with me through a note, because I quoted a madTV skit too much, in art class....and she sat at my table across from me. Anyway, back to the dance room. I approach Kat and ask for a friendly dance. Amongst our conversation, I took the opportunity to apologize for my impersonations. Then enters Rachel, only to immediately exit the room instigated by the site of me dancing with Kat. I chase after her down the hall to the food room. Our relationship had hit rock bottom and she wanted out. I went home with a bag of Valentine's and a broken heart. To this day I always remind her on Valentine's Day of that faithful moment. She always laughs and apologizes. I can't help but laugh myself. Probably one of the best Valentine's memories I will ever have.

This year I will have been single on Valentine's Day for a whopping twelve years. (if were counting Rachel as the last relationship I was in on this day and judging by the number 12, I'm just gonna go ahead and give it to myself.) Although I have to say I'm not really that put down by this. I have learned a lot from being single a majority of my life. I've had relationships here and there. One or two I had high hopes for it being love. One of the reasons for my consistent singleness would have to be that I'm a firm believer in just sitting back and letting things flourish on their own.

Facebook has become a cancer to dating and relationships. In the beginning stages of "dating" (which in my book means getting to know someone) each person scrolls through the others Facebook. Looking at profile pictures and reading their "favorite quotes" and "about me" in search of similarities in life interests. Here is where subliminal judgment begins. Then the tagged photos begin to get looked at. Insecurity meter reads at 75%. Followed by the reading of photo comments and wall posts from other friends. Jealousy kicks in and questions begin to fly about "who's that person is in that photo?" or "what does that person mean who posted on our wall?" When the sick and sad reality behind it is that photo is of you and your cousin and the wall post is an inside joke from the second grade. Congratulations, you've just entered the pathetic excuse my generation calls "dating." Arguments rise and the interest of the other person fizzles with the opinion of them being creepers.

The "relationship" people use Facebook as a tool or crutch to aid their insecurities by allowing themselves to boast of their "perfect" significant other with status updates of "baby made me breakfast in bed" or photos of what their partner sent to them at work and how sweet they are. Don't get me wrong, I think it's fantastic at how "happy" these couples are together. But the only question I have for them is, don't you want those memories to be shared with just you and your partner? How exactly are you benefiting from blasting other peoples news feeds with exasperated updates and photos of the details of your relationship, only for it to end with some dramatic Facebook status ending in "FML." Then allowing everyone who's followed your distressed relationship to make a "note to self" about you or the other person.

So on this 12Th year of solarity I will be celebrating the love I have for myself. I think the greatest thing I have gained from being single a majority of my life is the incite for myself I have developed. Too many people spend, or waste, their time going from one relationship to the next or are always in search for one when they should be giving themselves a break and figuring things out.

If you make yourself the prerogative and give unconditionally you will discover things always have a way of working out in the end no matter what the journey may be.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Strangers With Candy

I'm finding my biggest challenge at hand would have to be getting through the next 5 months. The urge to just drop everything and go swells bigger and bigger with each nearing day of my departure from Dallas/Fort Worth. But as the great Jim Ron said "motivation is what gets your started. Habit is what keeps you going." This quote is one of many that surround me at my desk. About a year ago I put up various motivational and inspirational quotes to aid in my return to the gym and maintain a better health and fitness lifestyle. A little over a year later I'm 40 pounds lighter, with an 10-15 pound muscle gain. I'm down to a 33 size pants which I haven't been since high school. As a personal achievement, this has been my greatest thus far. Not much for bragging..but its something.

The days here have been gloomy and cold. Last week the entire city was completely iced in. I sat at home and played video games and ate waffle house. Today is another "iced" in day. I went in to work for a few hours to complete some paperwork then made the treacherous drive home. I took advantage of this down time by heading to the post office to finally turn my passport application in. My first attempt at this, over a week ago, was shot down the second I got there by a line of 10 some odd people. I was turned away by the postal worker due to the amount of people wanting to turn their applications in. Today was success, with me being the only one at the post office needing to get this done.

The postal worker assisting Me's name was Travis. A mid-40's heavier set man with gray facial hair and pierced ears. To strike up casual conversation he asked me where I was going. I ratted off several cities in Europe. He noted my Amsterdam mention and recommended I check out the "Red Dog Cafe." He said Amsterdam was a place of sin and debauchery. I fully agreed with him, while recalling in my mind the stories of my friend Lauren's brief three years there. I appreciated his excitement and sharing of stories while he completed the final steps in processing my application. I then mentioned to him my further plans of California and Burning Man. He jumped on Burning Man like a spider monkey. He said he had a choice between that or some other adventure (I can't recall at the moment) that takes place in Louisiana. He chose the Louisiana venture but shared with me his jealousy for my plans to attend Burning Man. He told me to come back and tell him how it went. I'll probably make a return visit to him in June before I leave.

I can't help but notice the people I'm meeting that are having an unconventional influence on my means for travel and self-exploration. My friends are already above and beyond supportive of me doing all this. But its the people I've encountered since the publication of my journey that are having an uncanny relation to what I have begun for myself. I can see the excitement in these people's eyes for me as they hear my plans and reminisce on their previous travels and adventures. I'm sure, in their contained enthusiasm, they are thinking "He has no idea whats in store for him." I absolutely have no idea whats in store for me and with that simple fact my anticipation could not be greater. With a combination of these strangers positive influences and consistent patience, I feel that I will be able to successfully concur the next 5 months. All my research and task lists also aid in good time killing. They are comparable to the little goals I had to set for myself during my return to the gym. Each small goal accomplished was one more step to my larger goal of healthy eating habits and lean muscular physique.

A new car and flight tickets are next on my to do list for destination Europe.

Stay tuned for my Valentine's Day post. Should be interesting.

Saturday, January 29, 2011


I guess not everyone is going to understand the way I view the world. This blog would and will have to be my best attempt in allowing the close minded to open.

Describing my plans for the months of July, August and then my trip to Burning Man in September today was responded with the opinion of it being/sounding "cult like." I really had nothing to come back with because I felt at that point the conversation was pointless to continue. I couldn't help but think to myself, if the desire of wanting to expierience the world and the feeling of being alive is considered "cult like" then go ahead and call me Charles Manson.

A quality about myself that was discussed today was that I put my trust into everyone and everything around me. This characteristic leaves the window of opportunity open for the people who can't appreciate this about me to stab me in the back. Yes, I acknowledge this being a con in my daily life. But I feel that not allowing someone my trust before they even have a chance to break it in the first place would be a deficit to the human spirit and purpose. "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." A once prominent way of life now turned understatement of the year. There are always going to be people that don't lead this quote in their daily lives or understand its subliminal meaning. These people are going to be the ones in your life that do take advantage of your trust and stab you in the back. But its the simple peace of mind that those persons' are on lower levels of understanding life and what it has to offer that allow me to humbly dismiss the wrong doing and put faith in the idea of them one day discovering this key to a happy life.

Leading this way of life up to this point, has worked our fairly sufficient for me. I don't think I'd have the amazing support system, I call my friends, if it wasn't for this prominent aspect in myself. I'd have to objectively state that that's what my friends probably value most about their friendship with me.

Yesterday I set out to gain knowledge on item's I will be needing to purchase for my trip. Such as sleeping bags, tents, back packs and camera equipment. I defiantly have to thank my Dad's girlfriend for taking me to an Austin based store called Back Woods. This place is a vital piece in gaining any knowledge necessary for anything from back packing through Europe to driving cross country, to camping in the desert for a week. The man assisting Me's name was Stephen. An Australian fly fisher who I could tell had stories of travels and adventures that would last for days! I have to tip my hat to Stephen for sharing his expertise and brief stories of travel. My favorite part of my conversations with him were when he said, "Yeah know, there's nothing better than the feeling of returning from a trip and having people ask "Hey did ya catch last weeks episode" or "Did you hear who's coming to town?" and all you have to come back with is "No Sorry, I was traveling the world."
That was truly inspirational. Thanks Steven. I look forward to further educating myself through suggestions and stories.

I also was riding in the car with Lauren yesterday and drove by a vintage store will mountain bikes for sale. Had to jump on that sign from the higher Divine. I'm now the new owner of a bright yellow, all-terrain, Outpost for the grand total of $60 bucks. I figure, why not get something that's already seen so much.

I draw influence from YouTube video "Lost at Lake Shasta" (well shot, edited, and amazing artistic representation of the world mastahnick comes from as well as the rest of his videos) and drive from the annoying health, doctor, info, I don't know I'm still trying to figure out what to call it. But basically the message is "Hey America, lets put down the remote and get up off our fat asses." I am curious as to how my time in Europe is going to be being that I am from America. That will defiantly be a well rounding experience I will gain from this venture.

Off to my fathers 53rd birthday dinner with good friends and even better family. Happy Birthday Dad.