Progress

Well I've made several positive steps towards my July 1st departure. I purchased my round trip ticket to Spain! Therefore me being in Europe for the month of July, leading into August, is official! My afternoons are filled with day dreaming of walking the streets of Amsterdam and relaxing on the white sand beaches of Ibiza after a wild night out on the town. Although things are in order to get me over seas, it's still very surreal to think that I'll be on the other side of the planet in about three months time! This trip is becoming a significant aid to the strengthening of the relationship with my mother and father, individually. With my mother its allowing us to get back to a time where I fed off her excitement and enthusiasm for what ever it is that I was doing. We've had numerous discussions, over the weeks, of what this trip means to me. The doors that will open themselves and the doors that I will be opening myself. We're empathizing with one another on the medium that both of us are making changes and/or investments in our lives that we are both benefiting in the long and short runs. For my mother, this empathy comes from her buying a house, which for her is parting the clouds for so many new beginnings. The positive strides my mother and I are making fill me with content and excitement for when I return from my travels and begin our new, but still vintage, relationship. My father is the more concerned of the two. We had our emotional heart to heart just recently. In the commencement of my plans, my father was not very ecstatic about the idea of me going over seas by myself during our countries presence in war and other foreign affairs. I acknowledge his concerns for my safety and take them to heart of course. I'd be concerned if he, being my father, wasn't be relevant to my security. Aside my safety during this trip, his concerns also lye with my future and where I am going in life. At this point in time, not even I know the answer to that. But then again who ever does, or did? Through constant observation of others, whether they be friend, acquaintance or significant figure, it seems as though everyone gets to "Point B" by following what ever it is they feel passionate about. My father fears for me ending up like him. Like he's some kind of failure. Just because things don't go the way you want, or expect them to go, does not make you a failure. I quickly consoled him by expressing to him that I will be lucky to end up half the man he is. Aside looking strikingly similar to him, people are always telling me I'm exactly like my Dad. Who you are is worth so much more than what you have. My father is and always will be the greatest man I know and I aspire everyday to be just like him. He is my hero. I bought a car last week. Finally. I needed something quick because "The Booger's" (my truck) days were shortly numbered. I'm now the proud owner of a '97 white Ford Mustang. I now have key less entry and radio again (haven't had that for about 9 months now). It has been dubbed the name "The Dalai Lama" a.k.a. "Dalai" for short. Complements of my friends. Purchasing this car was a wise move. It will get me through the next 3 months without worry of it breaking down. I'll be selling my truck. Most likely to Carmax Buying Center and just put what ever they give me for it back in savings. My only purchase left for my trip are an iPad, a backpack and a camera. All of which I am hoping to have by the end of April.

Harmony

There's nothing more powerful than a good friendship. To know and understand this power is something that is not well attained by many. I show no modesty in saying I have a keen ability to facilitate a coalition with people that allows them to have faith that there are people in this world that are good and worthy of trust. I think, close to, everyone who knows me can share this common bond with one another no matter who they are and their differences. I think this is definitely in relation to my characteristic of allowing people my trust up front.

I recently spent an evening in Denton to visit some of my closest friends who I don't get to see that often due schedule conflicts. I cherish any free night I get to spend with my friends. Especially the ones in Denton, due to our encounters being far and few between. It was a great evening filled with CHEAP drinks on Fry street and laughs so hard my stomach now looks that of a Greek statue.......yeah well...I can dream.

I had a heart to heart with one friend specifically about concerns of our friendship drifting apart. I sternly reassured him that, that can not and will not ever happen. We've been through too much to just not be friends anymore because we don't see each other as often.

We all have to realize that life involves change, growth and improvement of the self. Figuring things out for ourselves so that we may better impact the world around us. But the relationships we build and create, that prove worthy of fidelity, through out life are always going to be there no matter where life takes us. You have to look in to the archive of the relationship and study the trials and tribulations you both triumphed over and put that outcome in the peace of mind of knowing that nothing will change between you and that individual no matter how much time passes. This applies to any relationship whether friend, foe or significant other. You can't get anywhere in life if you can't appreciate the value of a built bridge.

I'm known by many to be a "social butterfly." Also am known to be close and/or best friends with many. I can only reprimand my parents for this gift. Although my biggest reservation about the nature of this is that some friends may not feel as valued as another friend. If anyone in my life feels this disposition, I can feel nothing but discouragement. Everyone in this world is just as special and important as the next. I do my best to instill that in everyone of my alliances, past and present. If any, in my life, were to feel as if I favor others over themselves my only comeback is to please re-read the previous paragraph and to know that what I have and/or had with you was unique and individual to any other relation I have, to this day. If you can acknowledge those two recommendations then there is no reason you cannot have faith in the relationship you have with me.

My friends are the most beautiful part of my life. I live vicariously through them any chance I get because they allow me ulterior illustrations as to what life is like for someone else.

Allow me to apologize to my consistent readers/followers for the three weeks it took me to get this blog posted. I'll be continuing one tomorrow about the progress I've made for my future plans of travel as well as progress I've made with my parents.

Song I enjoyed while writing this was: "Time To Pretend" by MGMT

Doubt. Its a kick....in the glass.

Doubt, by definition, is a feeling of uncertainty about the truth, reality or nature of something. Doubt has its bizarre way of weaving itself into the security blanket that is our confidence and framework. On the affirmative, it allows us the ability to handle external influences. For example being able to see past someones false dispositions. Counter actively doubt shows it's ugly face when the feeling is experienced internally. Making you feel lost and misunderstood. Doubt can make you feel as vulnerable and lost as a new kid's first day of middle school.

I pride myself, on the regular, for being a very optimistic and happy person. Sometimes I feel like there's not enough people in this world who view the world like I do. But like any other human being, I have my off days. As few and far apart as these days are, I dread their random appearances in my life. In the drivers seat of these off days is the infamous Doubt! On my days of doubt, I'm quite and to myself due to the floods of negativity swarming in my mind. It's such a discerning feeling when you start to question yourself, along with other aspects of your life. It makes you take a very "what's the point" perspective on things you do. For example (referencing an earlier post of mine) whats the point of putting trust into people that will eventually throw it in your face?

I would assume no one likes the feeling of doubt. I sure as hell don't. So you ask yourself, "what kind of ammunition is necessary for days like these?" I've come to discover my own life remedy. You must take a step back and answer the question with a question. Doubt asks, "what's the point?" You ask, "what's not the point?" Anything that one does is not done for anyone else but themselves. Whether that be admitted or denied varies with each individual. But your greatest gift to the world is going to be yourself. If you don't have anything to offer (morals, values, perspectives, incites, stories, experiences) because you've been waisting your time doing things solely for others, your not going to be an interesting gift.

Then of course I introduce Doubt to my friend......Cannabis. Cannabis then swiftly kicks Doubt in the groin and we enjoy reggae/hip-hop infused tunes of The Fugees.

My bar had a "Hottest Cowboy Contest" a week ago. I entered and the end result was me winning. My prize was a 6 day 5 night all expenses paid trip to Fort Lauderdale, FL. The other guy, Garry, who won with me will be ambassadors for the City of Dallas for an international Gay and Lesbian travel convention. Here we will be making appearances at luncheons throughout the week. We will be meeting and networking with 450 of the worlds leading travel representatives for companies like Quantas, British Airways, Four Seasons, Hilton, Club Med, etc. There will people from all over the globe. Africa, Australia, Europe, Asia, South America. I didn't realize how great of an opportunity this is until after winning the contest. On the day of the convention, my co-winner and I will be standing at a booth discussing details about the city of Dallas with representatives, taking pics and autographing black and white photographs of ourselves dressed in western wear. As far as the people I'm going to get to meet, I'm extremely excited to see how and/or if this excursion to Fort Lauterdale will benefit my plans for travel in July. Whether its getting a hook up or making friends with people that wouldn't mind facilitating my visit to their country.

Travels Update:
Got my passport in the mail on Thursday! Could not have been a more exciting day. Everything became a much closer reality. Over the course of the next few weeks I will be purchasing my airfare: destination Spain!