Doubt, by definition, is a feeling of uncertainty about the truth, reality or nature of something. Doubt has its bizarre way of weaving itself into the security blanket that is our confidence and framework. On the affirmative, it allows us the ability to handle external influences. For example being able to see past someones false dispositions. Counter actively doubt shows it's ugly face when the feeling is experienced internally. Making you feel lost and misunderstood. Doubt can make you feel as vulnerable and lost as a new kid's first day of middle school.
I pride myself, on the regular, for being a very optimistic and happy person. Sometimes I feel like there's not enough people in this world who view the world like I do. But like any other human being, I have my off days. As few and far apart as these days are, I dread their random appearances in my life. In the drivers seat of these off days is the infamous Doubt! On my days of doubt, I'm quite and to myself due to the floods of negativity swarming in my mind. It's such a discerning feeling when you start to question yourself, along with other aspects of your life. It makes you take a very "what's the point" perspective on things you do. For example (referencing an earlier post of mine) whats the point of putting trust into people that will eventually throw it in your face?
I would assume no one likes the feeling of doubt. I sure as hell don't. So you ask yourself, "what kind of ammunition is necessary for days like these?" I've come to discover my own life remedy. You must take a step back and answer the question with a question. Doubt asks, "what's the point?" You ask, "what's not the point?" Anything that one does is not done for anyone else but themselves. Whether that be admitted or denied varies with each individual. But your greatest gift to the world is going to be yourself. If you don't have anything to offer (morals, values, perspectives, incites, stories, experiences) because you've been waisting your time doing things solely for others, your not going to be an interesting gift.
My bar had a "Hottest Cowboy Contest" a week ago. I entered and the end result was me winning. My prize was a 6 day 5 night all expenses paid trip to Fort Lauderdale, FL. The other guy, Garry, who won with me will be ambassadors for the City of Dallas for an international Gay and Lesbian travel convention. Here we will be making appearances at luncheons throughout the week. We will be meeting and networking with 450 of the worlds leading travel representatives for companies like Quantas, British Airways, Four Seasons, Hilton, Club Med, etc. There will people from all over the globe. Africa, Australia, Europe, Asia, South America. I didn't realize how great of an opportunity this is until after winning the contest. On the day of the convention, my co-winner and I will be standing at a booth discussing details about the city of Dallas with representatives, taking pics and autographing black and white photographs of ourselves dressed in western wear. As far as the people I'm going to get to meet, I'm extremely excited to see how and/or if this excursion to Fort Lauterdale will benefit my plans for travel in July. Whether its getting a hook up or making friends with people that wouldn't mind facilitating my visit to their country.
Got my passport in the mail on Thursday! Could not have been a more exciting day. Everything became a much closer reality. Over the course of the next few weeks I will be purchasing my airfare: destination Spain!